Mr. Dr. Jahan Al-Omran
Emotional blackmail within the family is one of the most painful forms of psychological exploitation, because it occurs in an environment that is supposed to be a source of safety and reassurance. When a husband or wife uses feelings of love and connection as a weapon of control, the relationship turns from a partnership based on mutual respect into an arena of pressure and manipulation. This may appear, for example, when the wife resorts to various forms of emotional blackmail with her husband, linking her love and affection to the fulfillment of her demands, such as saying: “If you do not buy me what I want, I will feel that you do not love me,” or withholding attention and emotional warmth to force him to respond, and sometimes she uses the method of comparison with others by saying: “Look at so-and-so’s husband, how he cares for his wife,” and thus prompts him to feel Through guilt and negligence, she may deliberately abstain from her family duties, or threaten to return to her family’s home if he refuses to fulfill her desires. Thus, love turns from a fixed value into a pressure tool that drains the relationship and makes it lose its balance.
Some husbands, in turn, may practice emotional blackmail towards their wives in various ways, such as when the husband says to his wife: “If you really love me, you should quit your job and stay at home for me,” or he expresses emotional coldness and silence if she does not obey his orders, and sometimes he threatens her to marry another woman or deprive her of alimony and attention if she does not respond, and in doing so he makes her love and security linked to conditions. He imposes it, transforming the marital relationship from an arena of affection and mercy into an arena of psychological pressures that weaken trust and shake family stability.
A mother’s emotional blackmail of her child is one of the most common practices that may cause psychological harm to the child without her realizing it, as she may tell him: “I will not love you if you do not tidy your room” or “If you do not eat your food, I will not sit with you,” thus making him associate love and concern with carrying out orders. As these messages are repeated, the child grows to believe that his value depends on the approval of others, and that emotional acceptance is not granted to him for himself, but only for his behavior. This method may push him to temporary obedience, but in the long run it instils within him a feeling of fear and anxiety about losing love, weakens his self-confidence, and creates abnormal behavior in him, which is a desperate attempt to please others, no matter how high the cost.
To confront these practices, it is important to realize that family love should not be a tool of pressure, but rather a fixed value that gives security and stability. Spouses, for example, can disagree and negotiate about their life decisions without threat or manipulation, but rather through frank dialogue and mutual respect.
Instead of threatening her child by depriving him of her love, the mother can use healthier educational methods, such as explaining the natural consequences of his behavior or reinforcing positive behavior with unconditional encouragement and acceptance.
The family is the nucleus of society, and the trust and emotional security that is built in it is later reflected in the individuals’ personality and their ability to adapt to their surroundings. Therefore, freedom from the cycle of emotional blackmail within the home begins with awareness and the commitment of each party to make feelings of affection and love a stable support and not a means of pressure. Only then do marital and parental relationships transform into mature relationships that develop respect and trust, and instil in children a firm sense that they are loved for who they are, not for the conditions they achieve.
* University professor in psychology
