Mr. Dr. Jahan Al -Omran
When we love a person, and we feel a sweeping tendency towards him, we find ourselves, we overlooking involuntarily from his faults, but we may see them virtues or justify them. Because “the white shark leaves the black day.” But if the relationship worsened with him, or our feelings changed towards him, we become more critical to him, and they become with our own eyes “the worst of God’s creation”, and we see his faults with the microscope. This is not necessarily; Because the faults did not exist, but rather because we did not see or notice them before, and we were our eyes from them. Love gives forgiveness, but it blinds the eyesight and insight, and makes us biased to those we love, we like it or our father, and we feel that we are treated in will, reason and logic towards it. The reason- based on brain psychology- is attributed to a feeling of love makes the level of dopamine secretion high, which causes a feeling of happiness and comfort, and its increase may affect certain areas of the brain, so the ability to critical thinking and rational assessment is disrupted.
At the beginning of marital life, for example, when love prevails in the relationship between the spouses, and he is the ruler by his command, we see the husband or wife justify one for the other, or in front of others, every negligence or negative behavior, and looks at things positively and flexible. When the relationship gets worse, every mistake becomes critical, and every simple behavior is explained in the worst face. We often ask ourselves when the flame of love is extinguished: Why did we not see the faults of our beloved like this before?
Likewise, in friendship, we may forgive the people we love what we do not forgive for others, and we forget the mistakes of those we love, so if a friend is absent from us, we love him for a period of time, and he did not ask about us during the disease of pain, we forgive him, and we create excuses for him, so we say to ourselves and others: It is okay that he is busy, or perhaps he did not want to disturb us with the abundance of the question. But for those who hate it, we see his mistakes under a microscope, so if we are absent from us once, we boycott it, and we take it out of our lives forever.
This also applies to the work environment as well, so we see that the employee who has the consent of his manager is a permanent praise, and if he commits errors that this manager condones, but another accounts for the same mistakes harshly if he does not have the same acceptance.
This emotional bias may be unconscious, but it is real and has clear effects in making decisions and behaviors that we see in our personal and professional relationships in our daily life.
And as Al -Mutanabi said: “And the eye of contentment with every shame is a shame, but the eye of discontent shows the supporters.”
It is a Khaled’s house that brilliantly summarizes this common psychological and human phenomenon, as satisfaction or discontent plays a big role in forming our view of others, and the methods of our treatment for them. So we have to be aware that our feelings may be a mirror disorganized for the truth. It is true that the feeling of love is beautiful, but it is not justified for ignoring reality, just as discontent is not evidence of the existence of the error. And it would be preferable if we build our personal and professional relationships with others with the eyes of the mind before emotion, to give every person his right, without the blessings of our eyes about the truth, whether with satisfaction or discontent. Indeed, what is required is that mature, rational love that does not build on an emotional emotion, but rather that grows like blossom with care and attention, and which governs people and attitudes with justice and fairness.
* University professor in educational psychology
