A. D. Jahan Al-Omran
Have you ever felt completely exhausted while wearing countless masks in order to gain the approval of everyone without exception at the expense of losing yourself? If you are, then know that your thinking is irrational.
Many people spend their lives in a frantic race seeking to win the love and approval of everyone without exception, as if this acceptance is the key to self-worth. They forget that the most valuable relationship they can build is their relationship with their Creator and their relationship with themselves. Running after everyone’s approval is not only exhausting, but it is also irrational thinking, as described by psychologist Albert Ellis, who considered it to be one of the most widespread irrational thoughts, which is the human belief that he must be loved by everyone without exception. This is kind of impossible.
When a person links his value to the opinion of others, he enters a vicious circle of anxiety and fear of rejection. He seeks to please them at the expense of himself, and measures himself by how satisfied they are with him. But in doing so he takes an endless path, because people are different in their natures and tastes, and different in their moods. Also, some people are naturally fickle, and their judgments are unstable. So he will never get what he wants no matter how hard he tries.
How many women have exhausted themselves by complimenting everyone until their true features fade, smiling when they are tired, and apologizing when they are wronged, just to maintain the image of the “beloved.” How many men, weighed down by the pursuit of perfection in the eyes of others, hide their weakness and burden themselves beyond their capacity so that no one will criticize them and find acceptance by everyone in vain. Even a child, when he is raised to believe that love is given to those who please everyone, grows up afraid of making a mistake, nervous about rejection, and forced to be himself or abandon his innocent nature in order to please everyone.
Perhaps the story of Juha and his son with the donkey summarizes this paradox: when the son rode alone, it was said, “How disobedient!”, and when the father rode, it was said, “How cruel!”, and when the two rode, it was said, “They exhausted the donkey!”, and when they walked beside him, it was said, “How stupid they are!” They have a donkey and they do not ride it!” Only then did Juha realize that people’s satisfaction is an unachievable goal, and that they constantly change their judgments.
Perhaps deeper than that, we realize that even angels, despite their purity and serenity, are hated by devils. How can a person, who is human, expect to be free from hatred or to be loved by everyone? It is not necessary for everyone to love you, as some hearts only see what is similar to them. The satisfaction of God and the satisfaction of your parents are sufficient for you, for they are your beacon that illuminates your path towards virtue and truth. Striving to keep up with everyone is a path to exhaustion and loss of self. True acceptance begins from within, when we realize that our value is not measured by the approval of others, but rather by our self-respect.
Be true to yourself, and do not compromise your true self for the sake of a passing admiration. Whoever is satisfied with you, that is good, and whoever is not satisfied, that is his nature, and this is his problem, not yours. So live as you are, comfortable with your inner peace, believing in your moral principles and personal convictions without running breathlessly after false acceptance, for that is the truest path to psychological happiness and peace of mind.
* University professor in psychology
