Amal Muhammad Amin
The engagement period is an important preliminary stage before marriage. It aims to get to know the two parties and ensure the extent of compatibility between them in thought, religion and morals, without it being a legal marriage contract. It is a step legislated by Islam to achieve family stability and build a home based on affection and compassion. In Islam, engagement is a promise of marriage and not a contract, so it does not entail the provisions of marriage, such as privacy, touching, or anything else.
God Almighty said: “And there is no blame on you for what you propose to women.” Al-Baqarah: 235. Engagement is merely an expression of the desire to marry, and does not grant the suitor any legal rights over the fiancée until after the marriage contract is concluded.
The legal acquaintance between the two parties provides an opportunity to ensure the intellectual, social and psychological compatibility between the suitor and the fiancée.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of God be upon him, said: “Look at her, for it is more likely that there will be peace between you.” Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi.
Engagement also provides an opportunity for the family to get to know the fiancé and allows them to participate in choosing the appropriate husband or wife, which reduces the possibility of disagreement in the future. The most important thing that engagement provides is preparing both parties for marriage, as it is a period of psychological, material and moral preparation to bear the responsibility of married life.
The most important controls for interaction are for the engaged couple to know that engagement is a stage of getting to know each other. However, Islam has established controls that preserve chastity and protect the relationship from deviation, and therefore there must be no privacy. It is not permissible for the suitor to be alone with his fiancée without the presence of a mahram, according to the words of the Prophet, peace and blessings of God be upon him: “A man should not be alone with a woman unless she has a mahram with her.” Also, the hadith is within the limits of etiquette and respect. It is permissible to talk between the suitors about what they need to reach an understanding in matters of marriage, provided that it is as much as needed. And disciplined by legal etiquette. Likewise, the absence of adornment or finery, and the fiancée remaining a stranger to the suitor until he contracts his marriage with her, so it is not permissible for him to see her except within the limits of the face and palms during the legal engagement.
It is dangerous to exchange large gifts or money because the engagement can be broken, and this may lead to financial problems and disputes after the separation.
This leads to an important question: How do the engaged couple deal during the engagement?
Honesty and clarity must be achieved, and the relationship must be based on frankness in intention and goals. And on mutual respect: refrain from words or actions that offend modesty. Observing God’s limits: because God’s satisfaction is the foundation upon which the blessing of marriage is built. The engaged couple must seek advice and seek advice from each other. It is desirable for each of them to seek advice from God in the matter of marriage. The Prophet, peace and blessings of God be upon him, said: “He who seeks guidance is never disappointed, and he who seeks advice is never disappointed,” narrated by Al-Tabarani. However, if separation occurs between the engaged couple if God does not decree the consummation of the marriage, then the separation must be done with politeness and good manners, without insult or abuse. The dowry and gifts must be returned:
If a dowry has been paid, it will be returned to the suitor unless the contract is concluded. As for gifts, it is better to return them if the annulment was on the part of the fiancée, or ignore them if it was on the part of the suitor, in order to preserve affection.
– And not defamation or backbiting: each party must be protected from bad speech or spreading secrets, in compliance with the words of God Almighty: “And do not forget the kindness between you,” “Al-Baqarah: 237.”
We benefit from this that the engagement period in Islam is a noble opportunity for legitimate acquaintance and building the marriage decision on sound foundations, but it is not an excuse for crossing boundaries or drifting into a relationship that is not governed by legal controls.
Whoever adheres to the teachings of Islam at this stage will obtain God’s blessing and success in his marriage, as God Almighty said: “And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find tranquility in them, and He has placed between you affection and mercy,” (Al-Rum: 21).
