The prosecution: Vivienne
If Fernanda’s dog moves in, my cat will get stressed and not come home. That would break my heart
Fernanda and I are engaged to be married and have been in a lovely relationship for two and a half years. Fernanda moved in with me in March last year – my house is also home to my son, Dylan, my dog, Daisy, and my rescue cat, Michael.
Fernanda has a rescue dog, Roo, who I’ve banned from living with us because she chases Michael. Michael gets on really well with my dog but he’s not a fierce cat and always runs away when something upsets him.
Last year Fernanda had a night out with friends, and brought Roo around so I could look after her. It was a complete disaster. Roo would not settle down. At night her barking disturbed my sleep so I put her and Daisy in the lounge. Then, Fernanda stumbled in drunk at 2am, went to bed and slept through Roo’s barking. The next morning there was uproar when Roo spotted Michael and chased him out of the kitchen. It was awful. There was so much barking and scuffling. Michael ran to my neighbour’s house and didn’t return for three days.
After that, I said Roo couldn’t live with us. My heart hurts for Fernanda, but Michael is my baby and this is his home. If we have Roo here, Michael will get stressed out and run away again. That would break my heart.
Roo now lives at Fernanda’s ex’s house, 20 minutes away, and Fernanda visits him often, so it’s not like Roo doesn’t have a home. Fernanda wants to get an expert in to help Roo and Michael coexist, but that sounds like such a palaver. You have to crate them and get them used to each other by slowly moving the cages closer together. I think it would be horrible; Michael’s never been in a cage and Roo wasn’t crated when she was little.
I accept Fernanda has had to sacrifice more in our relationship, but it’s because I own my home and I have a son, so the only option was for her to move in with me. I do love Roo as she’s a lovely dog. My heart hurts for Fernanda, but I’ve had Michael since he was a kitten, and I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home.
The defence: Fernanda
I’ve put in more effort to adjust to Vivienne’s life than she has to mine. Roo just needs training
Roo is my baby and my child, just like Michael is Vivienne’s child. Except I have to drive 20 minutes three times a week to see my baby as she lives with my ex. It’s getting tedious. I’ve been doing it for three years, but Vivienne won’t welcome Roo into our home.
The night it all kicked off was a mistake on my part. I should never have gone out. All my school friends were in town from abroad and I didn’t want to miss out. That night disturbed Vivienne’s sleep and upset Michael. Roo sometimes needs a stern telling off, and Vivienne doesn’t have a stern voice. But that was more than a year ago, before I even moved in, and that was the last time Roo was allowed in the house, which I think is unfair.
I tolerate Michael bringing dead animals into the kitchen. I’ve put in more effort to adjust to Vivienne’s life than she has to mine. I’d be happy to get a pet whisperer in to help the animals get on, but she has said: “That’s too hard, we can’t do it.”
When Michael goes to stay with a neighbour, it’s only ever for a maximum of two or three days, but Vivienne will be absolutely distraught. She needs to be open to the possibility that the animals could get along. She makes it harder than it needs to be.
Roo is an English pointer crossed with a labrador. She’s smart, playful and I think she’d learn to adapt really quickly. I really miss her. My ex was out at a Christmas party recently so I was able to go around and sit on the couch with her. Just having her head nestling on me is special. I miss the quiet, in-between times when we cuddle or throw a ball.
Vivienne should be more open to allowing Roo to come for a long weekend, then the animals could get to know each other. But Vivienne won’t even entertain it. I haven’t started looking for expert help yet because it will be too heartbreaking to do all the research and then have Vivienne say no. What with visiting and then having to leave Roo, I already get heartbroken three times a week.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Fernanda accept Vivienne’s banishment of her dog?
Vivienne’s position seems to be “I feel bad for you, but I’m not going to show any compromise whatsoever.” Fernanda’s suggestion of seeking professional help may be worth a try, though who knows if it will work out.
Eva, 29
It’s ridiculous for Vivienne to base her judgment on one incident. She should put more effort into welcoming Roo into the family. Dogs can easily learn to accept cats. If Michael is already used to one dog, he will get used to two.
Eleanor, 58
There needs to be compromise here and I think getting in an expert is worth trying. This could be on a trial basis, with the acknowledgement that if the conflict between Roo and Michael persists, then Roo may have to move back in with Fernanda’s ex.
Thomas, 25
Vivienne is judgmental of Fernanda’s night out and is set in her ways. Fernanda acknowledges her part in “that night”, but her suggestion is fair. Who puts a cat and dog freely together for the first time? Was “that night” a deliberate move by Vivienne to prevent Roo ever moving in?
Sandra, 45
In time, animals usually get used to each other and get on. Roo should be brought into the home. Vivienne says, “I do love Roo as she’s a lovely dog.” If Vivienne’s son also loves Roo, it is only Michael who needs to get used to her, so they should give it a go.
Susie, 63
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Roo get a second chance?
The poll closes on 16 January
Last week’s result
We asked whether Gabriel should listen to his girlfriend curb his enthusiasm when it comes to political trolling.
10% of you said no – Gabriel is innocent
90% of you said yes – Gabriel is guilty
