First!
I’m an early adopter. Whenever there’s a hot new tech toy, I want to clasp it with both hands and hiss “My preciousss” at it. So when one of the world’s largest tech firms announced the Mystery Gadget being offered at a deep discount, you better believe I mashed that preorder button like a Street Fighter combo move.
The gadget is a little white plastic cylinder that looks like a wireless Bluetooth speaker or maybe an Internet router. The instructions say to plug it in and wait for the firmware update and a mass rollout.
No idea what it might do, but I bet it’s AI-powered and it’s going to be absolutely huge. Even if it isn’t, for the price of a fast-food lunch it will have paid for itself in entertainment value.
5 stars
A huge rip-off
If I could give this piece of trash 0 stars, I would. It does nothing. Literally nothing.
The instructions say to plug it in and wait. The manufacturer claims it’s going to change the world. You know what other product made that sort of a hyperbolic claim? The Segway! I bet this will be just as useless.
Update: When I requested a return they refunded my money and let me keep the item, so they get an extra star for that. And I guess I’m a little curious to see the precise way this product launch is going to crash and burn.
2 stars
Not a spatula
I ordered a spatula and they sent me this thing instead. It’s not a spatula!
1 star
Clever scam
No one knows what this thing does but a huge corporation is selling it for what must surely be below cost. And they want us to plug it in! I will bet you anything it’s using your electricity and your home network’s processing power to mint cryptocurrency. The tech bros are going to make a mint (see what I did there?) off of us!
Read more science fiction from Nature Futures
I’m still keeping it plugged in because I figure they might offer profit sharing or something after the big reveal.
3 stars
Perfect for my needs
My spouse informs me that I must buy my worthless son-in-law a holiday present. After exhaustive research, I’ve stumbled upon the perfect gift. Mystery Gadget 1.0 is cheap (just like my son-in-law), takes up space (just like my son-in-law) and refuses to do any work (just like my son-in-law). I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he unwraps this thing.
5 stars
Holidays ruined!
You sent me a broken device. It doesn’t work and now there’s not enough time left to order something that would arrive before Christmas. Thanks for killing Santa, you scrooges!
Update: My son actually liked it. He said it’s not supposed to work yet, which … I don’t really get it? He refused to explain it, and instead I got to learn the meaning of the abbreviation ‘RTFM’. So now my son has no access to his Nintendo for a week. Let’s see how he likes playing with this intentionally broken thingamabob instead.
1 star
Watch the Mystery Gadget teardown!
I run a popular streaming channel where I disassemble the latest cell phones, game consoles, etc. Watch the Mystery Gadget teardown here: [external link removed].
I know others have tried and failed to figure out what the Mystery Gadget does, but maybe I’ll succeed. Be sure to like and subscribe!
4 stars
Décor
I was on the fence about ordering this but then they started offering bundles that, combined with free overnight shipping, make the Mystery Gadgets an irresistible bargain. So I ordered four and I used the cute little contraptions to decorate my living room.
My cats like them.
5 stars
In under the wire
They announced that the Unveiling will take place once 10 million units have been plugged in. The company says this will happen within days, so I ordered a 12-pack. Gave most out to my friends and plugged in four. Can’t wait to see what happens!
5 stars
Warning! Do not plug in!
This device is some kind of a mind control machine!
Ever since the company turned them on, all the people who have one have been acting super weird. My best friend won’t even talk to me any more, other than to try to get me to plug in this thing. She only talks to other brainwashed people and says they’re happy because they achieved some sort of an ubermind singularity mumbo-jumbo or whatever. I’ve lost a family member to a cult before and the cultists acted just like this.
They’ve been sending these devices to people for free. I strongly suspect my friend ordered it for me. At least now this e-commerce platform would let me post the review. I will recycle the device safely so no one accidentally turns it on. I know I sound like some conspiracy nutcase from the Internet, but I promise I’m not. Whatever you do, do not plug this in!
1 star
End of the world
That previous reviewer is right! The mind control tech is everywhere, you can’t escape it in the cities. They’re beaming it from cell towers probably. Cities are filled with creepy children-of-the-corn type folks with big smiles and vacant stares. I’m in the cabin with my guns and my seeds and my canned goods and who is laughing about being a prepper now? I shot down two delivery drones that tried to drop off them gadgets on my sovereign property.
The TV networks and the streams and even the radio channels have been shutting down. I don’t know how long the Internet will work. If you’re reading this, get away from cities and towns while you still can!
1 star
Additional ratings
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